Goldfish Incident
by Artemussilvourfox
Summary: Noah and Mokuba want to get pets and Seto will only allow them to get fish. The experience will lead chaos and LYAO humor.
1. Role Playing

Ok this is not apart of my series it's a story based on my friend's experience with her pet turtle and goldfishes (ironically their names are Seto, Mokuba and Noah) and I thought it would be funny if the Kaiba brothers had to experience this.

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Chapter 1: Roleplaying

Seto Kaiba was not fond of pets. It was just a plain fact; he didn't enjoy the care and attention that they needed. Plus he was allergic to most animal fur. He ran a multibillion company; his time was spent on the success of the company and his brother…well he guessed the perverted cabbage _had_ to be added to that as well.

Point is Seto Kaiba didn't want pets in his home unless they lived in a tank and had a short life-span.

In other words fish.

"Do squids count?"

_"No!"_ Seto snapped at Noah's umpteenth time to suggest a water creature that was utterly and completely an insane pet to have. "You can each get _one_ fish, anything that can eat fish flakes. Understand?" he looked at Mokuba and Noah sternly, mostly to Noah, who grinned and saluted.

"Of course, _Seto_." Only Noah said his name with an erotic tone and snickered at Seto's expression.

_"Get…out!"_ he threatened with a glare and pointed his finger to the door of his office.

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After escaping the 'Kaiba Glare' Mokuba and Noah went with Roland in his car to the nearest pet store, "My daughter got her pet canary here." The Kaiba corp. employee said to make idle conversation.

"That's nice Roland." Mokuba replied Noah was absently staring out the car door. Noah had the look of disgust and the boy with ebony hair understood why. He didn't like driving in a _commoner's_ car let alone in an _employee's_ car.

"I can't believe you know these workers _by name_." Noah whispered into his ear.

Mokuba whispered back, "It shows we care for our workers and Roland's our most loyal."

"Here we are." The person in question brought their attention to the tiny pet shop. Mokuba was somewhat excited; he'd never been in the pet shop even when he was a commoner. Noah on the other hand, scoffed with disgust as Roland opened the door for them.

And as they entered, Noah's disdain increased and made a sound of contempt. Mokuba thought it looked…well…quaint.

"Let's make this quick, shall we?" Noah looked to the side except the boy had disappeared. "Mokuba?"

He found him over by the area where the dogs were kept in cages. "Look Noah, there's a Pomeranian that's a chocolate brown. Isn't it cute?" Noah slunk over next to him and snorted.

"Tch, _please_, that may be cute for those Beverly Hill Girls, but we're _Kaibas_ we have a much more _manly_ tastes."

It was Mokuba turn to snort, "Oh? What would you suggest?"

Noah motioned to another small dog two cages away, "The Chinese Crested." Mokuba glared at him. "What?"

"Manly indeed! That thing's the same size as the Pomeranian! Plus it looks like a drowned out rat!"

"The Chinese Crested is a graceful and elegant breed." Noah replied indignantly.

"A drowned rat." Mokuba repeated and dragged him away, "We're suppose to look for fish not rats."

Unfortunately, the fish tanks we're in the very back of the store and every few minutes they would stop and look at other animals. This included: canaries, parrots, hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, rabbits and ferrets.

"Why can't we get a bird? Birds don't have fur and they're very beautiful creatures with melodious voices." Noah argued, allowing one of the canaries to nibble his pinkie.

"Because, _Noah_, birds make a lot of noise and Seto doesn't want something squawking in the middle of the night or when he works at home."

"Then make him move to the company building. Lord knows we could do without him."

"Noah, I've been persuading Seto _not_ to do that."

"Why do you keep saying my name every time you talk?"

"Because, Noah, there's a turtle that keeps looking over here when I say your name." Pointing right behind Noah, there was a tank with a tiny turtle staring lazily around its surroundings.

"…you can't be serious, Mokuba." Noah squinted and crouched in front of the container. He critically put his finger against it and the turtle hid inside its shell. "Eastern painted turtle." Reading the printed sign taped to the tank, Noah tapped the tank with no effect.

Mokuba crouched next to him, "Noah." Slowly the reptile let his head slink out and looked at him.

The two boys shared awed expressions.

"Noah." The green haired Kaiba uttered, the turtle looked expectantly. "Well that does it." He stood and yelled to the front of the shop, "Oh shop clerk! I would like to purchase this turtle!"

Mokuba almost smacked his head against the glass, "What?!"

"Oh don't you see, Mokuba? This is a sign! This turtle was meant to be my pet he has the intelligence and heavenly charms to be given my name and uphold it with dignity!"

"But Seto said—"

"Oh poo on Seto, I'm sure he eats fish." Noah beamed to his little 'pet' Mokuba seemed to pale.

"Y-y-you're going to _feed_ our fish to your _pet?!"_

Noah quickly corrected himself, "Oh, no, no, no, Mokuba! Not _you're_ fish, but possibly my own. Seto _did_ say we could get one fish each, hmmm." Noah pondered and got an evil grin.

"Oh no, what is it?"

"Oh nothing, I was thinking of naming the fish I get Seto, so then it could be…how you call it? Roleplaying?"

Mokuba sighed deeply, "I suppose you want me to call _mine_ Mokuba."

Noah pondered this, "You know that wouldn't be a bad idea…"

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"And you expect me believe that load of shit?" Seto interrogated the two of them with his cold glare. Noah couldn't have been more proud of himself as he stuck his white gold fish into the tank with his turtle. Mokuba instead had his head bowed and looked rather pathetic with _his_ goldfish in its baggie.

"I only got a fish, like you said." Mokuba muttered Noah gawked at him.

"Oh, you big suck-up!"

"At least I'm not trying to get myself grounded because I wanted an _Eastern Painted Turtle._"

"Don't say my pet's species with such derision!"

"_Quiet!"_ Seto commanded and snatched 'Mokuba' away from his little brother.

"Ah! What are you doing with him?" Mokuba demanded and watched horrified as Seto let the little goldfish go into the turtle's tank. "No! Noah only got his goldfish so the turtle could eat it!"

"So?"

"He _named_ his fish Seto for roleplaying!"

Seto considered this, "So you named him, Noah," he motioned to the turtle.

"Noa," Noah corrected.

"That's what I said." Seto narrowed his eyes at him, Mokuba slapped his forehead.

"Ugh…the turtle's a female, so it's Noah without the 'H' and he said 'then she will have the female version of my name and uphold it with beauty, grace and dignity!'" Mokuba imitated Noah's voice with a high girly squeak.

"I don't care," the brunet prevented another pointless bickering to ensue and said, "The fishes will stay in the tank and if the turtle eats them, then so be it." Turning on his heel Seto left a flabbergasted Mokuba and a grinning Noah.

But he wasn't finished.

Halfway up the staircases in the main hall he added, "And when the fish make the turtle bigger I'll be having turtle soup."

"HEY!"

"If she eats me, then I'll eat her."

* * *

Well that was just a really strange thing for Kaiba to say. Either way, tell me what you think! 


	2. Kaiba Battle

whoopee this took forever...and it's so short...

I believe from my guess there will be only two more chapters left.

oh and Yugioh, not mine never will be Kazuki Takahashi will always wave the 'rights of use' in my face and I'll never get a hold of it.

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Chapter 2: Kaiba Battle

The turtle and the goldfish's giant tank was placed in the main hall of the Kaiba mansion, so when the boys got up each morning and went to the dining room they could say hello to their pets and give them some food.

Three weeks had already passed and thankfully Noa didn't eat Mokuba or Seto—much to Noah's chagrin—in fact Noa and Seto had grown quite a bit in those few short weeks.

"Maybe he's a cross breed of a goldfish and a carp?" Mokuba suggested as Noah and he watched the overly large pale goldfish slip by to grab some flakes. Although Noa's growth was expected, Seto's wasn't and he was almost the same _size_ as the turtle.

"I don't believe fish can cross breed with other fish. I've never heard of it—the more logical explanation would be since its environment has gotten larger, its body was able to grow to accommodate it."

"Then why hasn't Mokuba grown that big?" In one corner the goldfish with a tiny black mark on its tailfin was busy eating. Mokuba had grown as well, but not to the rapid size of Seto.

"They're our counterparts aren't they?" Noah tugged Mokuba to his side and showed their apparent height difference. "You both just lack the proper growth hormones at this moment in time."

"They have our names because you have a sick way of projecting murderous intent." Mokuba shoved him away and Noah began snickered like a hyena. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing," Noah dismissed, Mokuba wasn't sure if the boy thought of something perverted or was trying to make him think that he was thinking something perverted.

Or Noah was trying to confuse him cause it worked.

"Mokuba, are you coming for breakfast?" Noah beckoned him from the dining room, "I want to show you something I found on the internet."

"It's not porn, is it?"

Noah chuckled, "no, no, no, nothing like that," he motioned to the two chairs where the laptop was positioned, "I've had this idea that after Noa eats the fish and then Seto—the human, not the fish—eats Noa get can get minks!"

Mokuba was appalled, "barely a month and you want them dead I am shocked."

"Oh come now, I didn't say anything about Mokuba dying—the fish not the person…"

"Yeah I know." There was a long pause, "so what are we going to do with minks?"

"Noah," they both jumped at the stern voice, "Stop getting Mokuba involved with your crazy schemes. I don't need the two of you in juvenile hall."

Noah scoffed indignantly as Kaiba took his proper place at the head of the table, "Breeding minks isn't a felony."

"But I'm sure the way you'll go about it, it will be." He flipped opened the newspaper placed at his spot and ignored the coffee mug there. "I also never gave you permission to do so."

Noah made a face at him as well as popping his tongue out. Kaiba took no notice and flipped the page shaking his head, "By the way, Noah…"

"Yes?" breakfast had finally been served and Noah was trying to enjoy a nice cup of chai.

"That one fish, the big one…"

"Oh? Is it dead?" Noah grinned maliciously, Mokuba looked horrified.

"Not quite, last time I look it was smacking my future meal around." The 'term of endearment' confused Mokuba and Noah then they both looked at each other and ran to the tank.

Kaiba listened to Noah's yelp of disdain and Mokuba's amused laughter. He shook his head, _those things better start floating on top of the tank soon. I'm getting hungry._

* * *

I'm not sure if I should ask myself why I decided to do this or maybe I should give Kaiba something to eat..._  
_


	3. You Really Do

Yeah, I know I'm lazy with this and almost two months of not updating I give you a very short chapter, but there's only one chapter after this it should pop up when I update Better or Worse

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You Really Do

Kaiba paused his typing to answer the intercom with annoyance, "What is it?"

"You're brother is on the phone, sir." The female voice stated back, Seto was suspicious.

"Which one?"

There was a hiatus, "Mokuba, not Noah, he says."

"Is it about fish?"

A long pause, "It's about the person previously mentioned, Mr. Kaiba."

_What now?_

He gave an irate sigh; "Put him on," Kaiba continued his typing and demanded several seconds later. "Make it quick, Mokuba, what's the cabbage patch kid up to this time?"

There was hushed crackle of static.

"What?"

"…I think Noah's lost his mind."

"I believe we came to that conclusion several months ago. What's your point?"

"He's training the turtle to attack like you would train a dog."

"I said I didn't want to hear about those things," Seto could feel a headache beginning to form right between his eyes. "I'm hanging up now."

"Wait! What am I suppose to do?"

"Play video games, go swimming, watch a movie, and test the new model of the duel disk I gave you to test a _month_ ago. I don't care as long as you do something _besides_ bothering me about those fish."

"But..."

"Perhaps I should let _Noah and you _clean the mansion instead of the housecleaner." There was a soft _click_.

_That's what I thought._

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"There you go my darling, Noa." Noah cooed as he cleaned the turtle in the giant sink. The reptile watched lazily as he rubbed its shell with a toothbrush.

"Noah?" Mokuba eyed him apprehensively. "What are you doing?"

"Just cleaning, Noa," he lifted the turtle from the sink. "She's gotten so dirty from swimming in the same tank as those _monsters._"

"Uh-huh," he pointed at Noah's hand, "and whose toothbrush is that?"

Being asked this Noah got a sly grin, _"Seto's."_ he replied gleefully. "Speaking of which, I have must put this back in his bathroom before he finds out." Thus he hurried out with rolled up sleeves, a toothbrush in one hand and a turtle in another.

_I'm gonna get a headache from this._ Mokuba pursued Noah. "Noah, please don't put it back."

"Oh, but I must, there'd be no point with me using his brush if _Seto_ wasn't going to use it later." When they were only a few feet away from his room Mokuba put himself between the door and Noah and extended his hand.

"Give me the toothbrush, Noah."

"Oh come on now, don't be such a killjoy."

"You're trying _way_ too hard to get us _both_ in trouble." With a huff Noah slammed the toothbrush in Mokuba's palm.

"Wet blanket." He huffed again and stomped down the hall, "Oh by the way, I hope you haven't been using _you're _toothbrush in the last three weeks." He grinned as Mokuba screamed bloody murder at him.

"Noah, that's disgusting!" Mokuba continued to wail as he followed Noah back to the fish tank.

"I was only teasing, Mokuba." Noah dismissed immediately.

Mokuba calmed down, but only a little. "You seem to tease me quite a lot, Noah."

"Only because you make it easy," Noah countered he was looking at the tank very absorbed with his turtle. "Now, my pet, attack!" he commanded pointing to the giant fish swimming past. His grin turned into a smug frown as Noa disappeared into her shell and floated to the bottom of the tank.

"Wow," Mokuba crouched beside him, "she's a killing machine."

"Oh shut up!"

"She's probably _afraid_ from that beating Seto gave her."

Noah glared at Mokuba who was grinning. "Your opinion was not needed." After a few minutes of watching he stood and stretched. "Well this is boring," Noah stifled a yawn, "I think I'll take a nap." The ebony hair Kaiba became very suspicious and pondered Noah's ulterior motives.

"Take a nap or reply to Seto's fan mail and write sexual innuendos?" Mokuba questioned, Noah was walking away and stopped in his tracks from the reply.

He asked with genuine surprise, "How did you know?"

"When several girls—more than normal—attempted to 'glomp' Seto three weeks ago remember?"

"No." but his grin said otherwise.

"It was all over the news."

"Can't seem to recall it," Noah was slowly slipping away.

"You know he'll kill you if he finds out, that is if he hasn't already."

"Well then he's taking his pretty old time with getting revenge."

Mokuba shook his head, "If he hasn't yet that means he's plotting and you don't want him to _ever_ do that." Suddenly Noah rushed past him with a squeak of joy and jabbing his finger at the tank with excitement.

"She's doing it! She's doing it!"

"Doing what?" Mokuba didn't know whether to be afraid or shake his head. The giant fish had stopped moving and the turtle was slowly making its way to it. As if it was stalking prey. "If that turtle _does_ eat that goldfish, Seto's going to eat the turtle."

Noa didn't though she simply 'nuzzled' the fish if one could call it that. After, she slipped into her shell. Mokuba wasn't sure if he should laugh, Noah didn't move.

"Well, I guess that means you really do care about Seto." Mokuba assumed, recalling the 'role playing' Noah was aiming for.

Noah stood up and whistled a happy tune. "I better go take that nap," then added brightly, "those sexual innuendoes don't write themselves!" With a pout, Mokuba watched him disappear to 'nap' in one of the many rooms of the mansion.

He sighed loudly, "Jeez I need to play Guitar Hero!"

* * *

That's right, poor Mokuba can't drink, so he plays Guitar Hero to get his mind off Noah's antics. 


	4. Horrible Death

Wanted to get this up before I went off to Canada and not be able to enjoy myself because I didn't update!

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Horrible Death

"Darn it." Mokuba cursed as he lost yet again to Lou on Guitar Hero. Irritated he snapped the game off. A month has passed and Noah was still intent on making that turtle eat the fish. Although at this point the turtle would probably start talking before it touched the fish.

What was mainly comical about the pets was Noa and Seto would get into their fights and Seto would be the winner. Sometimes the large goldfish flew out of the water and splashed violently back down. Noah's pets were something else, Mokuba had to admit.

Speaking of those fish, Mokuba wondered if Noah fed them today. Probably not, he puts so much time and energy in them and he can't even feed them, so bothersome. As Mokuba jumped the steps to the tank something caught his eye and made the preteen lean over the banister in confusion.

Noah and Mokuba's brother, Seto were huddled over the tank. Mokuba wasn't sure if playing Guitar Hero at full volume was such a good idea now. He coughed and the two of them turned around.

"Taking a break from work, bro?" Mokuba asked innocent enough, walking normally down the steps now.

"I never take breaks, Spinach head said there was something urgent. Only I find it's about these stupid fish." Now Mokuba was sure something was going on and he had a good hunch at what it was.

"Which one died?" he asked and smuggled his way in-between them to the tank. Mokuba could only stare, "What the heck is that?" he pointed at the floating mess of gold.

"Well, that's you, well what's left of you." Noah explained as if Mokuba was really killed and he's looking at his remains.

"That's my fish! You're turtle ate my _fish_!?"

Noah nodded solemnly, there were tears streaming down his face. "I've never been so proud."

"Oh can you be proud of _that?_ It tore out my fish's stomach and left the rest of it to rot! If anything, it needs psychological help!"

Seto finally spoke, "Get over it, Mokuba, that's nature you're acting like they're real people."

"Well maybe it should've eaten the little thing before I got attached to it." Mokuba flung his hands in defeat, "That's just great," Now Seto swam to the remains and took a tiny nipple, "at least I know never to trust _either_ of you if we're starving to death." Then he stomped off, leaving the other two perplexed.

"What did he mean by that?" Seto demanded.

Noah had to ponder before answering, "I believe he was referring to the role playing."

The elder Kaiba refrained from rolling his eyes, "Good to know both of you have gone completely mad with this whole thing. I'm going back to work and don't interrupt me unless Mokuba really _is_ nothing but a glop of flesh."

Now Noah was confused, "And why would that happen to him?"

"Face it, Noah we have some sick people in this house." As Seto ascended the stairs Noah made a huge eye roll.

"Hahahaha…isn't he being funny for a change." Noah asked his turtle, placing his finger on the tank. Noa didn't answer (why would she?) and attacked his finger multiple times.

Exactly two weeks later Seto died. The only thing that they noticed odd before its death was its face was reverting back to gold and then before they knew it there was a giant fish floating on top.

"Strange, Noa didn't try to eat him." Was Mokuba's only comment; they decided to bury the fish only because Seto didn't want the thing clogging the toilet. Now there was only one question left: What was going to happen to the turtle?

"I told you before," Seto answered them a couple of days later. "I'm going to eat it."

"You can't eat a painted turtle! She doesn't have any meat on her!" Noah protested, stomping his foot.

"Actually I found a recipe I'm having the cook try tomorrow."

"Let me see this 'recipe' Noah demanded." Mokuba didn't know if he should laugh or shake his head. Seto actually pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to Noah. The green haired Kaiba's face turned the same shade as his hair, "Turtle Fricassee with wine?"

"Of course I'll need to put an order in for snapping turtle meat. We would probably get less than one serving from that turtle." Mokuba was sure Seto's cold frankness was what caused Noah to collapse onto the floor.

The next day got much stranger.

When Mokuba went into his room, he found on his nightstand a tiny fish bowl and an orange beta fish inside.

"It was the only orange one out of the bunch," Mokuba jumped as he saw Seto standing in his doorway shifting through some papers, "I expect you to be grateful."

"I know, thank you, Seto." He followed Seto out of the room and was given an idle head pat, "I feel like a dog when you do that."

"Good to know what'll irritate Wheeler next time I run into him." Seto muttered, he was _very_ engrossed with his papers. Suddenly they heard a high pitch scream of terror.

"What was that?"

"Probably the broccoli head, only one I know who screams like that." Mokuba quickly ran to Noah's room and opened the door.

And here was the strange part.

There Noah sat atop his bed with an umbrella (how he got that Mokuba wasn't sure) and around him were four to five snapping turtles.

"Help me!" Noah wailed, Mokuba looked at the giant turtles and slammed the door shut. "Hey!"

"I better call animal control." Mokuba concluded and Seto nodded in agreement.

"Make sure you take your time with that call."

"You're going to punish me if I don't, aren't you?" once again Seto nodded.

"Next time Noah will be a little more _cautious_ when he takes his 'naps', won't he?"

Mokuba was right in the end, Seto was plotting and Noah was paying the bill. Oh well, at least he got a fish.


End file.
